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Medium! This wonderful time of confusion, reassessment, stability and change…. Welcome! Suddenly, the familiar is unknown. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a map?
Midlife is a normal developmental stage. It can be a great way to think about who you will be in your second adulthood. It cannot be avoided. Live long enough is as inevitable as it was in youth. You may lose, change, and leave much of what you bring into middle age. Be prepared and listen and you will be able to complete the journey with minimal problems.
Dan Johnston, http://www.lessons4living.com/index.htm, reminds us that at the core, we focus on being who we were meant to be and not what we think others want us to be. We analyze and examine every aspect of our lives and search for deeper meaning.
Suzanne Braun Levine, http://www.suzannebraunlevine.com, author of Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood, lists two important steps to take in midlife:
1. Realize that change takes time and give yourself permission to move at your own pace.
2. Surround yourself with friends who will listen, support, offer advice and praise.
To this, I would add:
3. Quickly research and solve the seven biggest decisions of midlife.
What are the seven choices?
1. What will be my inheritance?
2. What meaningful work do I want to do now?
3. How can I meet my parenting needs?
4. How can I continue to have good relationships in my life?
5. How can I express myself freely?
6. How can I meet my spiritual needs?
7. What kind of place do I want?
Because midlife often involves redefining purpose, the first important decision is legacy. What do you hope to leave behind in the world? How do you want to remember? In this context, the second most important decision is about meaningful work. As many people start working late or retire early, it is important to reassess what work they will do when they are older and what work is. Many may find that part-time work, volunteering or entrepreneurship are attractive options.
As we age, our family and culture change. The next two options affect this change. As parents and children grow, roles change. For some, this means struggling with the family sandwich filling. For some, this means dealing with separation and loss. For those who don’t have children, and those with grown children, new ways of parenting – from being a “fun” aunt to raising pets – emerge. As relationships change, we are faced with finding new relationships or finding other ways to preserve old ones.
The next two questions are about ego. One of the remaining issues is finding ways to express creativity – from writing to the visual arts, from art to culinary arts. As you encourage your mind to grow, so must you find ways to nurture your spirit. This decision may involve becoming more involved in the religion of your childhood or exploring other spiritual paths. It could mean going to a house of worship or talking to nature – or both.
Finally, space becomes more important as we age. Finding the right location can be critical to achieving these six other decisions as well as decisions that are not on the list. Who do you want to be close to? How to get the things you need, including medical care or support.
Camus said, “In winter I learned that there was an invincible summer.” Create a meaningful map for each of the major decisions and use that map to navigate the middle life. Find your way to an invincible summer.
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